Why I’ve Avoided Social Media Since My Disaster and You Should Too

After riding out a category 5 hurricane in my home, I pushed through the standing water and debris scattered throughout to find massive devastation everywhere I looked. My mind was racing with a thousand questions. Is my family even still alive? Is the entire area this bad? How will I ever be able to get through this? Am I ever going to be able to recover and feel “normal” again? Sound familiar? Self-care quickly became an urgent priority under the weight of it all.

I realized there were a few key needs lying beneath each question. I would need to find clarity and focus even though I couldn’t think straight. Most importantly, I would need the mental and emotional energy and the bandwidth to deal with the chaos. This meant I was going to have to find some way to close at least a few of all the open tabs in my brain.

As I’m writing this, it has been over two and a half years since Hurricane Michael tore through Panama City. I’ve had to learn the hard way how important it is to make self-care a priority.  I had spent the entire day before the storm preparing things at our family sign business.  We hurriedly worked to tie things down outside as best as we could, to finish up as many projects as possible, and to reach out to clients. 

Before long, the rain had already started coming down in buckets.  We let everyone else go early so they could get home safely and take care of all their last minute details.  The last thing we always do before leaving for a storm is to make manual backups of our computers in multiple formats and then shut them down.  Just before turning off my desktop, I took a quick moment to post on Facebook and tell everyone good luck, I love them, and to hang in there.

That was October 9, 2018. I haven’t really been on social media since.  I have little idea of what has happened in my friends’ and distant family’s lives.  I’ve missed years of photos of their growing children, their successes and heartaches, and the hilarious memes they’ve likely shared. 

It’s not because I haven’t cared or haven’t thought of them and wondered how they’re doing.  Nor, is it because I’m being self-centered. All that I have been dealing with is no more important than they are or what they’re going through is.  It’s because I care so much it is more than I can handle right now. Even if I do miss those memes. 

Going Through This Together

I already know quite a bit of what they’re going through. So many of the people I’m connected to on social media are also here. We’re all going through this together; and it breaks my heart.  Each of us is fighting our own versions of this uphill battle towards recovery. We’re wading through the suckfest of dealing with uncooperative insurance companies and overburdened or dishonest contractors. We each have our own trauma. We’re wondering how the hell we’re ever going to pay for it all or have a “normal” life again. 

I know that I’ve already lost 96 loved ones. Most of them due to storm related stress, complications, and accidents during the clean up phase, and, now, the pandemic.  Each of those losses have rippled out leaving everyone else grieving as well.  I know we’re all living in fear of the next storm.  However, if I knew the details of all that pain for all those people who I love so much, it would break me.  Most days, I’m already barely holding on as it is.

The Flip Side

There’s also the flip side of this story:  the people in my circle who don’t live here and don’t understand what the struggle is really like day to day.  Then, there are those who have completely forgotten it ever happened.  In part, there are some recognizable realities of why that’s the case. 

One of the horrific rounds of wildfires on the West Coast began just a couple of weeks after the storm hit here.  They raged for weeks destroying everything in their path.  My cousin, who lives in Northern California, had arrived here to help her mother after the hurricane. She soon had to rush home to evacuate her family. The approaching flames were looming only blocks away.  It isn’t a coincidence that wildfires and hurricanes tend to happen at the same time. However, that story is for another time. 

No Phone Zone

Meanwhile, our storm was only here for essentially a day. It then moved on to wreak havoc further north as a slightly weaker force of nature.  It also left us without electricity or any way to communicate for weeks.  I didn’t even have internet service until January.  Those few who were lucky enough that their vehicles escaped total destruction eventually cut their way through the debris. They braved the four hour traffic jam and drove twenty-five miles to an area with cell service to make a call. 

People couldn’t really share what it looked like and what they were going through for weeks.  The only information reaching beyond the local grapevine was what the media crammed in between op-eds of the intense mid-term elections and which celebrity did what.  As soon as the fires started, their coverage quickly shifted to the next sensational saga.  We were all largely cut off from the world.

For many of us, it’s really hard to talk to this part of our circle now.  We struggle with longing and envy that they still have their normal lives.  We can’t fully explain to them what it’s like here for us.  Often, the only things we have to share are still related to the storm.

We know everyone is either tired of hearing about it or can’t understand why that’s all we have to say.  A friend told me about sharing photos of her new roof. Many people asked why she was so excited about it. It had finally stopped raining inside her home!  Essentially, we have this lurking feeling of disconnect that social media just amplifies. Positive self-care requires not subjecting yourself to such negative interactions.

Knock Knock

I hemmed and hawed about whether or not I should send out a post when the power, cell phones, and internet were all finally working again. Should I at least let everyone know I was still alive; quite literally?  Someone mentioned a thread that had been started the day after the storm. It was asking if anyone had heard from me or knew if I had survived. 

A few days after Michael hit, a mutual friend came climbing over the debris and 40 foot pine tree across my front yard. He knocked on my door to see if I was ok.  He had been able to leave for a “phone zone” to touch base with our friends and they sent him in search of me.  Though, it would be days before he could spread the word. 

By day three, my best friend couldn’t sit wondering anymore, so he organized a relief team and drove down from Tennessee to help as many people as they could.  Knowing these two had updated the thread helped take the pressure off.  I knew if I opened that screen to make that post, I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from checking on everyone else and I would fall apart.

Self-Care

My decision that day, and every day since, was an act of self-care.  I could easily get lost in using social media to escape from the monumental tasks before me or throw myself a pity party.  Neither of these would do me much good and doing so would just make it take longer for me to get through this.  That’s the last thing I want.

The thing about going through a disaster that no one ever tells you is that you suddenly have a new full time job.  This is in addition to your actual job. Then, there’s also caring for your family, school, making sure you eat and wash laundry. Or, whatever else your life involves that you are expected to still keep up with while trying to navigate your recovery.  It means endless days of going non-stop until you finally take an involuntary nap because you can only keep moving for so long before you crash. 

Who has time for self-care?!  Making this decision to avoid social media has been a crucial part of my disaster recovery.  It required little effort and freed up precious time and mental and emotional bandwidth.

Taking Care of Yourself

If you’re going through disaster recovery, or even another traumatic situation, it is essential you find at least one thing you can do to take care of yourself and soothe your soul, even just a little.  There are many ways you can practice self-care that will require little to no time or effort. It’s essential that you do or you may find yourself in deeper water. Caring for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s a necessity that allows you to be able to be there for those you love and to do all the things you need to do. 

Take a few moments right now, and a couple of deep breaths, and find some way you can start showing yourself a little love each day that will work for you!  Life can be very hard.  Give yourself a little pillow to land on.  You CAN get through this!

Have you found a self-care practice or routine that has helped you through trauma?  Share it below!  You never know just how much you may be helping another disaster survivor!